This world of dating after divorce or being widowed reminds me of trains. The Shanghai Maglev is the fastest train in the world and many in this newly single status are like the Maglev and cannot slow down their dating long enough to enjoy the ride. They speed through relationships and often fall in and out of love with the same velocity. Too often the Maglev's of the world remarry quickly only to find themselves in similar marriages or even worse, divorced again. On the other hand, The Glacier Express is the slowest train in the world and believe me, there are those in this single world who move at just that pace. Many of the men and women I have been meeting have been single for a very long time, some as long as 18 years. They spend a lot of time observing the scenery, too afraid they may miss something better just around the bend. How do we pace ourselves and become more like the reliable Amtrak? We have the ability to travel fast or slow, but we need to choose to keep a steady pace. Are we choosy as to who gets a ticket to ride, picking those we could imagine a long relationship with? We can't be too choosy though, knowing that there are often hidden treasures along our route. Sometimes what we may see as potential is replaced by disappointment after only a short ride. Yet, we chug along, making stops when necessary and letting passengers board once in a while. Many of us have the same goal: to get off the train! We want to find a destination and a fellow passenger to build a life with. This is possible but we have to beware to not jump the track because as they say: "you won't get your money back." Enjoy the journey.
Despite how many times we have been hurt in this bittersweet life, our hearts were programmed for one thing: love.
It doesn’t matter if that type of love is friendship, family, self-love or even that for our pets. Love is not a singular feature though, and while there is a complex and stunning puzzle around most love affairs, the root and essence of lasting love is trust.
“The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them.” ~ Ernest Hemingway
Trust is the foundation that we build our lives on, and it is a necessary ingredient in every aspect of our lives. We have to put trust in everyone that crosses our path; from the corner banker, to our mechanic, our child’s teacher, our employer, friends, family and of course our lovers.
We have to trust that they are doing their jobs correctly, that they have honest intentions, and that they wouldn’t want to intentionally lie to or hurt us. When that trust is broken it sometimes becomes difficult for us to trust again, and sometimes it becomes impossible. But switching mechanics because we found out they charged too much for unnecessary repairs is very different from the type of trust we give those friends and lovers inside our inner circle.
It’s those people that we’ve let into our inner most circles that have the ability to hurt us the most, because we have given them the map of our hearts. Trusting someone who is close to us though is not the same as thinking they are incapable of making mistakes. Trust means that we know even if we find ourselves hurt that the other person’s intention was never to do that, because we know they care about us and we value being a part of each other’s lives.
To trust is not to be free from mistakes or hurt, but to believe in the connection between our self and another and the goodness of their heart.
Some people trust better than others. Or maybe they just have more faith in the human condition to do that which is right and honorable. Maybe most of us are just hoping that those we trust have hearts similar to our own; crimson, open and exposed to the bright sun, so full of love that we could never imagine hurting those who have made a home there.
To trust is to have faith.
It’s faith in the heart of another; it’s choosing to believe that they would never want to cause pain or heartache if it was unnecessary. It’s letting that person feel the secrets and imperfections of our heart and believing that it will be safe with them.
Sometimes there may not be any good reason to trust someone, and there may in fact be even more reasons not to. But trust has a way of sneaking in under the guise of violet twilight, smelling like fresh basil and lemons; it weaves itself in between the strands of our hair and among the stars in our eyes.
It curls up like a satisfied cat in the sun and makes a home there.
Even when our brains tell us it’s foolish, or when our egos try to remind us of all the times that it didn’t work out before, it doesn’t care. It stretches out even further and brings silence and peace to all the doubts that may ping pong around inside of us.
Faith has the power to silence the loudest fears.
I have a theory that people will live up (or down) to the expectations that we have of them. If we believe they are capable of lies, of living a life rooted in dishonesty and constantly question their every move or intention then they will more or less live down to those expectations.
But, if instead, we look at someone with open eyes and an open heart and tell them that we have faith in them. That when they tell us something we simply believe them because we don’t think they would ever lie to us. If we continually present our most authentic self to them and they continue to show up in our lives, then not only will they live up to those expectations, but we will know that we are safe with them.
And the trust is confirmed.
To trust at times is to take a blind leap of faith. It’s believing someone when they say not to worry, and having faith that everything will work out exactly as it is meant to regardless of what that is.
It’s learning that we don’t know if we can really trust someone until we take the chance and decide to.
It’s choosing to hand them our hearts, our weakness, the secrets of our kryptonite, and then blowing a kiss to them over our shoulder as we smile and take that leap of faith.
The faith to trust them.
“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” ~ Author Unknown
Love isn't perfect.
It isn't a fairytale or a storybook and it doesn't always come easy.
Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without.
Love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, every second of it was worth it because you did it together.
Now into my 50's I have things to share, insights to give, and advice that might help you avoid the pitfalls I have already found. Some posts are articles that have been helpful to me and others are my own thoughts and feelings on a particular topic. May your life be full of happiness!